I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
