well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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