Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
