Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
