no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
