Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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