I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
