So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
