wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
