As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do vagina's smell?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
