Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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