you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
