Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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