Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize