I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
