I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
