Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
