wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
