you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
