He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
