1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
