If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
