I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
