1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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