OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
