i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
