He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
