She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize