Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize