i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
