From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You made out with two different species that night
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
