Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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