what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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