You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
