I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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