Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
