I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize