What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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