a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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