I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
