Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
