Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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