apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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