No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I have vodka in my lungs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
