it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
