she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am naked and annoyed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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