Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
