how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
