I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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