Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
