I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
