I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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