I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize