I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize