I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
