They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
