Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
