I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
