I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
PANTIES FOUND
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