8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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