so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
