Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dear god my vagina.
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