Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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