well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
