P.S. I can't hear my feet
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
