I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
