dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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