so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
