were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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